For those of you who believe Dumb Brain Analytics are more important then whatever advanced calculus BS Amazon and the NFL are putting out, you’ll understand that things like a players name or number are the most important factors in determining if a player will be successful in the NFL or not.
Though we are at a current (unresearched) peak of players not using their first names and going by a nickname or middle name. This is most evident in the prominent position in all of sports, the NFL QB.
Matthew Stafford, Los Angeles Rams
- Full Name: John Matthew Stafford
- Alternative name: John Stafford
- John Stafford never becomes best friends with Clayton Kershaw because he spends his whole childhood in English country side learning how to craft mens leather shoes
- Determination: Go by Matthew
- Won a Superbowl, Best friends with Clayton Kershaw (no one ever mentions this) and gets paid a ton of cash to make terrible pizza commercials
Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville Jaguars
- Full Name: William Trevor Lawrence
- Alternative name: William Lawrence
- William Lawrence grows up in a very successful and wealthy family whose patriarchy is a powerful US attorney. William does not follow in the family business as he is a struggling screen writer who works part time as a delivery driver for Hungry Howie’s Pizza.
- Determination: Go by Trevor.
- Trevor won a Natty, drafted first overall and survived multiple games in the NFL with Urban Meyer as the coach.
Mac Jones, New England Patriots
- Full Name: Michael McCorkle Jones
- Alternative name: Michael Jones
- He would have written the smash hit 2000s rap album “Who is Mike Jones?”
- Alternative name #2: McCorkle Jones
- McCorkle Jones doesn’t skip a beat he uses that power walk from draft night and marches right into the history books as he gets drafted first overall to the Jacksonville Jaguars only to have Urban start Tim Tebow at QB while he slowly convinces McCorkle to switch to TE to help salvage his career.
- Determination: Continue going by Mac
- Despite a severe ankle injury during his sophomore NFL season Mac has a promising future in a stable organization
Brian Hoyer, New England Patriots
- Full Name: Axel Edward Brian Hoyer
- Alternative name: Axel Edward
- Axel Edward finds success with his punk rock group “The Shiney Bald” he transfers to known party school Michigan State, where as a prank to get people to come to his bands show he tries out as a walk on for the football team. After throwing sick Patrick Mahomes style passes they decide to give Axel and his long punker hair a scholarship. He is later drafted to the Oakland Raiders where he becomes the first player in NFL history to start in the Superbowl and headline the halftime show.
- Determination: Go by Axel Edward
- Axel has the chance to go down as one of the coolest people on the face of the earth and he is definitely not bald before the age of 30.
Helmet Hank Sports 